Grief is hard. It washes over you in relentless waves, dragging you down like a rip current until you feel you’ll never breathe again, let alone make it back to shore.

Like a rip current, one of the important things to remember about grief is not to fight it. Swim parallel to it - and, eventually, you’ll be able to begin making your way back to shore.

The limits of grief - hint - there aren’t any. Whether strength or length- you feel what you feel. And your grief is yours. When someone says, “I know what you’re going through”, they don’t. They mean well, but no one knows your particular journey through grief.

No one else has any right to tell you how to grieve, or for how long, or for whom it’s “appropriate” to grieve. No one has the right to say, “You’ll get over it”, or ask, “Isn’t it time you moved on?” Grief is not rational, it is visceral and devastating… and completely natural.

I have two close friends dealing with grief from very different losses (but aren’t all losses unique?). In both cases, the validity of their grief has been questioned by unthinking “friends” or family members.

One friend lost her two dogs relatively close to each other. Those pups were her family. They had been a huge part of her life for 16 years. Some people question the level of grief she’s feeling over the loss - “They were just dogs…”.

My other friend lost her ex-husband just a couple of weeks ago. Despite the fact that the marriage had ended, they loved each other deeply. She is, unsurprisingly, devastated. Again, insensitive people question the validity of her grief because he was her “ex” husband.

There are so many ways to support a person who is grieving - please be sensitive to those who have lost a loved one.

And when it’s your turn to experience grief, don’t be afraid to shut out (or shut down) the people who think your grief isn’t appropriate. Your grief is yours and yours alone.