“It is what it is. But, it will be what you make it” - Pat Summit

Introduction:

So, I was I was listening to the Mel Robbins Podcast - and let me say, if you don’t listen to her, you need to. I love most of the stuff that woman shares. She’s opened my eyes and kicked my ass on more than one occasion. However, in one episode, she mentioned that she hated a particular expression. I immediately wanted to yell, “I call BS!!”

What was the hated expression that turned me from fangirl (fan olderperson?) to ready for an argument in a heartbeat? You guessed it, "It is what it is."

Mel used her amazing whiney/grow-the-fuck-up voice when she said she hates "it is what it is". (I love that voice, btw.)

She went on to assert that it isn't what it is, it's what we make of it.

It's called acceptance, hello!

I have no disagreement with that - I absolutely believe that our response to anything can change everything; however, until you accept what something is, you can't change it! Want to lose weight? That begins with accepting what is - ie - you weigh more than you'd like to. Wanna get out of debt? Start by accepting what is - you're in debt. Longing for a better life/relationship/living room carpet? Accept. What. Is. (I wanted to put, "DAMMIT" after that, but I refrained).

It's all about the response

It's not just the esteemed Ms. Robbins who sees It is what it is as an expression of resignation, rolling over, giving up, and playing dead. My daughter isn't a fan either. But, being the rebel I've always been, I choose to look at it differently.

I accept that it is what is, and often, the "It" is something that's NOT my responsibility. And with all of the things in life that are my responsibility, I see it as a sort of liberation. Stay with me here.

I am most definitely responsible for my response to every situation in my life (I mean, the word responsible comes from the word response...) Sunny day, rainy day, miserable, major shit-hitting-the-fan day - it is my responsibility to choose the appropriate response to whatever life (and the fans) throw at me. (The appropriate response being whatever helps me be at my best - not perfect, mind you, but at least trying!) But the shit? That shit is there. The shit is not my responsibility. The shit is what it is, and I accept that.

You have to see the dirt

The amazing Louise Hay was being interviewed by Nick Ortner of The Tapping Solution about Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT), which uses tapping on acupuncture points while you focus your mind on a negative feeling or situation in order to clear the negative emotions associated. Before you roll your eyes (I can see you, you know), Tapping isn't some Woo-Woo New-Agey thing. The benefits are proven by a huge amount of research in Neuroscience. Anyway, when asked if focusing on the negative emotions first would just channel more of them into our lives, she replied, “In order to clean your house, you have to see the dirt.”

Accepting what is gives us the freedom to start working toward something better. See the dirt, clean the house.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” —Viktor Frankl

Step into your power

The stimulus Frankl spoke of is the "it".

Without the acceptance that “it is what it is”, we have no power over our ability to respond mindfully.

So, step into your power. Accept that it really is what it is, then put on your big-girl panties and get on with making something of it.